Written by: Chereen
You fell in love with God on a Friday, and you claimed that your feelings were incredibly deep. On Saturday, you claimed that He broke your heart. You held your heart in one hand, shattered to pieces and dripping in tears. Your other hand was hidden, for reasons you could not and would not admit. There was a hammer in it that you could barely hold, but one you were unable to let go of. Etched on it was the word Expectations, written in a hasty manner, the letters unrecognizable unless you looked closely. Ashamed, you attempted to hide it, but there was no reason to hide the way you felt.
To you, love reciprocated meant that you prayed and then instantly saw results–results that would make you happy and full of warmth. So you prayed for specific things, and you aimed for specific results. When you did not hear back, you retreated to seclusion and let go of your love. It was this expectation that you had of love. But this type of love was unlike any you would ever feel, and its results were unlike any you would ever know. To expect would leave you disappointed in yourself, and to not expect would leave you amazed at how kind and generous He is.
He loves you. I promise He does. At times you might struggle to see it, but only because of the perspective you have chosen to view it from. Sometimes for love to increase, you need to earn the love. You need to work for it, and you can do so through prayer and commitment to Him. The more you give of your time, your devotion, and your appreciation, the more love you receive in return.
It could be that learning how to fall in love with God is meant to teach you the definition of genuine love. Would it not be beautiful if someone dear to you asked you what love meant, and you were to point to the sky and say, “The Creator of the clouds above. The One who united you and I.”
You understand what love truly is when you realize that everything God has given you to love comes because you love Him. It is in this moment that you realize the beauty of pure love; this is a love that is eternal and incredibly well meant.
If you genuinely feel your heart has ever broken while you have ventured into this type of love, fear not. Heartbreak is not always as bad you might believe it to be. It could be that you attempted to love something that was not beneficial to your heart, and it needed to be cracked in order for it to be removed. And while you might sit there wondering why your heart has been cracked when you are so devoted to God, remember that He did it out of love for you. It takes not focusing on your nafs [desires] and realizing that you entrusted God with this heart of yours. It makes you feel a lot better when you realize He protected you from further harm. Indeed, He does love you.
The best love story you could ever tell anyone about is the moment in your life when you realized how much you truly loved the One. How, even though you are imperfect and you stray from Him, He loved you back. And although sometimes you break your own heart, if He ever took something away from you, it was to give you something better. It was to make your heart stronger, so that the beats that accompanied it were for the happily hereafter.