House of cards
Written by: Chereen
What hurts people the most is temporary support–the false assurance that someone will be there for you throughout your struggles, only to desert you halfway through. People want to help, but they have a set amount of tolerance and limited amounts of sympathy and empathy. Once these things run out, it becomes difficult to deal with someone who is still struggling with an adversity, a mental illness, or even grief. The person fighting their inner battle ends up feeling abandoned and betrayed.
People’s adversities do not just fix themselves overnight. Healing can take days, months, years, maybe even lifetimes. That does not mean that a person cannot smile throughout their struggles or laugh when appropriate. Their circumstances do not define them. However, support helps a person through the tough storm.
I can honestly say that I have friends who gave up on that aspect of my journey with grieving my father because they forgot that it happened. They got over it. Luckily, I apply what I learn as a therapist and a life coach alhamdulilah, and that helps me get through any pain I encounter. The most important thing I do for myself is be patient with my healing process and any struggle I endure. Even if others lose their patience because it is limited, if I am patient with what I am given I will always have myself. I must also say, despite the fact that some did give up on me, that I have also been blessed with kind-hearted friends who remember my dad more than I do–and I thank God for them everyday.
I want you to realize that if you know someone who is dealing with a messed up deck of cards, it is important to not give up on them. They might come out of their test stronger than you, and you might need them later. Trials are a universal test. Everyone is dealt their own dysfunctional deck of cards at some point and has to figure out a way to use them. With the right support, each of us can take that deck of cards we are dealt and build a house of cards–or even a home.