Love is not Enough
Written by: Seada
When you’re in love, nothing in the world matters except for being with the person who you makes you feel amazing. But as time passes by, you quickly learn that the sort of infatuation portrayed in movies is not necessarily a good thing. Infatuation encourages us to wage war on our self-respect; it is painful and filled with struggle.
You are not crazy for staying in a toxic relationship. Falling in love with the idea of a person means you’ll make necessary excuses for their inappropriate behavior to maintain the image of love. In return for this sacrifice, you’ll feel empty, angry, resentful, or spiteful. None of these feelings are healthy or appropriate for either of you, but the dysfunctionality is so deep that it seems “normal” to assume love is pain.
Some things I have learned recently about love:
- Love does not equal compatibility: just because you “fall” in love with someone, doesn’t ultimately determine whether they are the best partners or that they’ll complement your relationship needs.
- Love alone does not solve relationship problems: while the emotion provides some meaning and existence to life, when times get hard, love is not a practical tool to save the relationship.
- Love is not worth sacrificing self-respect: in relationships it’s absolutely necessary to sacrifice some things to suit the needs of the relationship. But a relationship is still meant to support our individual growth, not damage or replace it.
Dramatic highs and lows do not imply you’re madly, deeply in love. Instead, this sort of chaotic emotional rollercoaster indicates that a relationship lacks stability, security, understanding, commitment, and esteem.
Lastly, remember that “The only way you can fully enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love” (Mark Manson).