On Forgiving

Written by: Barah

Forgiving someone isn’t always hard; it can be easy when they’re not someone who’s close to you. We are all human, we all make mistakes, and we all try our best to understand that everyone deserves a second chance and deserves to be forgiven. But when hurt comes from those dearest to your heart, forgiveness can feel difficult, if not impossible.

Forgive to be forgiven–right? Usually. But remember, you’re not obligated to always forgive. Some situations are more complex. Denying forgiveness to someone doesn’t always mean that you believe you’re superior than them; it just means that they crossed lines that they shouldn’t have.

Sometimes you will find yourself able to forgive but not forget, and I think this is the smart route. To always forgive someone for what they do and then immediately forget it just allows you to fall them to hurt you all over again. Keep in mind the saying: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

I’m the type to easily forgive and sometimes forget, which is why I find myself in sticky situations over and over again. My mama says I have a good heart and that’s why I tend to do forgive easily. But sadly, this has opened doors for people to take advantage of me and my forgiving heart.

Lately, I’ve been training myself to use my brain to make decisions before using my heart. And I think that has made me become a little harsh, but with good reason. Not too long ago, I found myself in a situation where I had difficulty forgiving someone (eventually I did, but I will never forget what happened). I was in a repetitive cycle with them, in a relationship that involved constant lying. After years of this unhealthy relationship, I cracked under the final straw and couldn’t deal with the person anymore. It all happened so quickly and so abruptly. I was over it.  When I finally forgave them, it wasn’t for them. I forgave them for God’s sake, and for my own. But I will never forget what they did, and I will not allow myself to be put in that situation again.

Forgiveness is great, but it’s okay if you find yourself unable to forgive for valid reasons. Your well-being is important; don’t allow yourself to keep getting hurt for the sake of forgiveness.