Q+A: A complicated love

Written by: Chereen

Q: Dear Chereen,

I’ve been in love with my university classmate for 2 years. He’s a Hindu and I’m a Muslim. We planned to tell our parents just before graduating.

I thought that somehow, he would convert to Islam and we’d be married. Recently he told his mother and she strongly disapproves. Now we’re in a dilemma, we don’t want to hurt our families, but we know that we can never find better partners as we know each other so well and spend so much time together.

I hope you can help me. Thank you.

A: Dear Friend,

there are two very important components that you need for you to be happy. One of which is your parent’s approval. Don’t get me wrong, your happiness matters, but you’re going into this knowing that you’re setting up your parents to get hurt. That should be a red flag for you. If his mom strongly disapproves then it’s going to be very difficult for you to be included as part of the family. In this case, you must think in terms of being realistic rather than thinking with your emotions.

I’m sure you already know, but as a Muslim it’s against the religion for a woman to marry outside of her faith. I know that you feel connected to him on a deeper level, but I do want you to think about whether or not this is good for you in the long run and also the hereafter. When you like or love someone, emotions take over. But it’s incredibly important to think rather than simply feel when it comes down to whether or not it will work out.

So, I do want you to think about this.

You mentioned that you hoped he would convert. Is he planning to do so simply for you? Is he still going to convert? If he’s doing it for his own sake, then there might be a possibility of it working out in the future.

But I really want you to think about the two things you’re potentially sacrificing: your family and your faith. Think logically and pray istikhara. Sometimes people are a blessing, but other times they’re a test. It’s possible that you already know but praying over it should give you a clearer answer.

I wish you well. ❤️