Where are you now?

Written by: Khadeja

It is impossible to be unaware of your physical location. But it’s easy to lose track of where you are at mentally. That is a whole different playing field. At any given moment, I’m feeling a disconnect between my mind and my body. Let’s just say that they rarely–if ever, in all honesty–play well together. My body can be in the kitchen preparing dinner, but my mind is either replaying past experiences or off in some distant future, playing out hypothetical scenarios that are unlikely to unfold. But I have developed the art of being certain of these uncertain scenarios. I have convinced myself that I know exactly how things are going to play out based on one or two minor facts.

While some people can call their physical body their home, most of the time I feel like I’m living somewhere else, somewhere specific, with very cramped quarters. I have found myself a resident in my own mind. I did not intend for this to happen, but because my visits to the inside of my mind became so frequent, I ended up signing on the dotted line of a lease agreement without intending to do so. At the beginning, my cozy “home” was just that; a comforting bubble where I felt in control. I was able to select any thoughts that decided to visit me. I guess I was a little too hospitable because the security system at my front door was flawed. Rather than welcoming only positive guests, there seemed to have been an “admit all” sign on the door.

If you aren’t careful about turning away negative thoughts as they attempt to enter, you will surely end up with an out of control party in your mind that you are unable to stop. The feeling of control is lost because all of these negative scenarios accumulate, and you end up feeling defeated. You feel like you just don’t cut it because you don’t have/know/own x, y, or z. What is the end result? A very dark outlook on life.

But the reality is that there are an innumerable amount of blessings and gifts in each person’s life, regardless of the hardships. It is up to you to choose what to focus on. The problem with living inside of your head is that you will never, under any circumstances, get evicted. It is impossible. No matter how much noise you make or how much internal destruction you cause, your landlord will not kick you out. The only way out of your lease agreement is to muster up your courage, pack your bags, and leave (on amicable terms, of course, because you don’t want to burn any bridges). You want to be able to visit your old home, but on your own terms and conditions, using the power of your imagination for good, to create, to solve problems, and to just live a life full of hope and optimism.

That is why I have decided to move out of my old home and reside instead in the present moment.