Written by: Kazima
Raising a child is a lifelong pilgrimage, one that we prepare for years in advance. Often the preparations we make, however, are not the right ones.
After the honeymoon phase there is a less common phase, the “waiting phase.” During this phase the husband and wife mentally and physically prepare themselves to become parents. They prep physically and mentally, eating healthier, surrounding themselves with books about childbirth and parenting, discussing with other mothers and fathers, babysitting nieces and nephews until eventually each of the two decide, “I’m ready.”
But are they truly “ready?”
And just like that a couple decides it is time and dive into the sea of parenthood. But in anticipation of becoming mothers and fathers they tend to forget the most vital element of being “ready.” As even the most experienced sailor is nothing without his boat. And our boat is our marriage. The foundation of raising emotionally and socially adept children starts with a sound marriage.
More important than our relationship as mother and father is our relationship as husband and wife. It has been said that the best thing you can do for your children is love your spouse. We are models for our children. The way we present love and respect between each other not only shapes our child’s social filter but also molds their emotional intelligence.
Thus, our children become our reflection and we their mirror. And one can only imagine what a shattered mirror would reflect. But, unfortunately, particularly in South Asian cultures, these innocent beings have become the glue to hold together a marriage. Couples on the verge of falling apart are consoled with “It will get better after children,” “have another child and he will start spending time with the family more,” “when she has a son everything will be fine.” And although our children enter the world wrapped in love and happiness, they are not the answer to a volatile relationship. Shards of a broken mirror can only stay together for so long with glue. At the end of it all, it is our children that suffer the most.
Create a fertile ground before you plant flowers. Be the safe haven your child has a right to. Do not expect a child to be the answer to your problems as they look to us to be the answer to theirs.