Written by: Khadeja
One of the main pieces of advice given out to women as they approach the point of committing themselves to marriage is “Don’t lose yourself in your relationship”.
This advice is extremely wise…however it is emphasized to the point of causing more harm than good. Because we hear this so much, we automatically have our guards up from day one – as if there weren’t enough reasons to do so – and we become so concerned about maintaining our individuality and avoiding morphing into one single blob with our partner.
Whilst it is important for both the man and woman to maintain their own separate interests, hobbies, and friendships; the strive towards independence can actually lead to a disconnect in the relationship.
What about the ‘us’ factor? As we go through life we are often consumed with the desire for more; and not just on a material level. We always want more for ourselves; more accomplishments, productivity, and an increased level of validity. Sadly, the relationship gets put on the back burner. Because for better or worse, it often gives us a sense ofsecurity; but to a fault. We assume that our other half will always be there waiting regardless of the level of care given out.
Whilst our day planners are full of tasks and to dos, when was the last time a plan was made that involved your spouse as well? All relationships are an investment in some shape or form. And you need to nurture the relationship in times of ease so that you have a solid foundation to stand on when the going gets tough. The problem is that our lives are one big blur; there is no such thing as ‘times of ease’ anymore because there is always something demanding your attention. Everything needs to be done now…preferably yesterday.
The focus on productivity has made us borderline robotic. Instead of enjoying the moments and living each day fully we are instead running through a list of tasks. But the more we check off; the more items reappear. Again, and again and again. But do those tasks really bring us pleasure? Perhaps we do gain a sense of satisfaction but that quickly fades away. What is even more nourishing is the time spent with a loved one. The feeling of sheer bliss that comes from a loving embrace far surpasses the ‘small win’ of mastering the habit of flossing every day.
Sixty years from now, will you reminisce on how productive you were during your lifetime? Or will you look back lovingly at the memory of the marriage you built with love and care?