Advice: I want to get married, but there’s a bit of a dilemma.

Dear Chereen,

I have this big headache that’s causing a lot of stress. I want to get married. Most families would be so happy about this, but not mine. They want me to get married, but they say now’s not the time. It’s because my older sister is not married yet and they dont want to upset her. What about me? Do I not matter?

I’m turning 26 this year and don’t think it’s right for me to keep on waiting until she’s married. I’ve gotten many proposals in the past that have been rejected because of this dilemma. Now I have a proposal that my parents know is great and right for me, but they’re having trouble breaking it to my sister. My mom said that we might as well forget it because she doesn’t want to make my sister sad, but this time my dad put his foot down and said to consider it. I know that it’s fate, but I’d really like to be with my other half. It might upset my sister a little, but I know she wants what is best for me.

What do you advise?

Regards,

Ready to Wed

 

Dear “Ready to Wed,”

I noticed that you asked if you matter. The truth is, of course you matter. Sometimes parents get caught up in trying to please their children. They think that they are doing the right thing, but unfortunately sometimes someone ends up getting hurt. In this case, you’re suffering when you shouldn’t. I want you to realize that marriage is just one aspect of your life. It’s an important aspect, but don’t let the thought of it consume you. When it’s your time, nothing can stop it or prevent it. Seeing that your dad is interested in this prospect, I suggest you let him continue to support you. Talk to him, let him know you appreciate him, and be kind. After all, he does want what is best for you. Tell him that you value his opinion, so you will consider the proposal because you know he knows what is good for you. You need your father’s support, and it’s good to let him know that he is valued and appreciated.

As for your mom, she has a big heart and really does not want to leave anyone heartbroken. However, she probably does not realize that she is repeatedly breaking yours by not considering your opinion or your feelings. Do not, under any circumstances, make your mother your enemy. Tell her that you understand where she is coming from, but that you really want to start a new chapter in your life with her support. Let her know that you look up to her, and the way that she leads a household. Be kind to her. Sometimes mothers have a hard time letting go of their daughters.

Talk to your sister. You said she wants what is best for you. Be supportive of her, and let her know that you care about her. Make sure to let her know that you value her opinion. If things go through with this prospect, have her be your source of positive energy through it all. Get her help, take her shopping, and make sure she feels included. In due time, the right guy will enter her life.

Make sure to not let this separate you from your loved ones. It can be emotionally trying, but you have to take it easy. Whatever is meant to be is going to happen regardless. Be very nice and easygoing about everything. You have your father’s support, so I wouldn’t worry too much. They do want what is best for you, and they will not stand in your way if the prospect is worth it in the end.

Sincerely,

Chereen