Advice: Toxic Parent

Dear Chereen, 

I have a question that you might be able to help with. How do you heal from a toxic parent? My father’s lack of anger management (shouts, punches walls) broke something inside me as I tried until adulthood to control his anger whenever he got mad. I’m super tired of trying but Islamically we should respect our parents so do you know how not to disrespect him but also protect myself from the mental damage? Thanks a lot ❤
Answer:
Dear friend,
Anger is a complex mask, people wear this mask to hide their deepest vulnerabilities. Sometimes they use it against injustice, many times they use avoid handling conflict.
Understandably, it is very important to maintain respect for our parents. However, it is also important to understand we may not be the reason for someone’s use of anger. In fact, your fathers anger may have nothing to do with you, but he may displace his anger on his family because they are a safe place for him to release his tension. This does not make it okay, but I hope it gives you a bit of insight about anger.
I wonder, if you showed your father your pain, would he find it within himself to comfort your sorrows? Fathers are great protects, but they have an unusually interesting way of showing their affection.

With Love,

Seada

Photo by Cristina Gottardi