Advice: Trust issues

Written by: Chereen

Q: I have problems trusting people. I am talking to someone and I hate when he is around other women are flirty. I don’t even like him going to the beach or pool; I am afraid he will compare me to others look-wise. How do I have control over these thoughts? I don’t want to make it seem like I am controlling. I’ve never really felt like this before when I spoke to anyone. Am I wrong? What do you think is the right way to handle stuff like this?

A: I can’t tell you if you’re wrong or right, but I can tell you that your thoughts are controlling. Do you think you’re ready to consider someone at the moment? Also, did something happen recently or over time that you have not dealt with? Where do these trust issues come from? Before your controlling thoughts are resolved, the deeper issue of trust has to be taken care of.

Side note: If he’s considering you, then he shouldn’t be around females that are “flirty.” Why would he be around them at all? But that’s not my business. It’s take and give; he wouldn’t want you to do the same, so he should limit his interactions with the opposite gender. If the beach or pool is pretty immodest, then maybe you can come up with a positive way to discuss that it bothers you. I do wonder if you’re both on the same religious level, or level of being conservative. If not, issues can stem from that because you might not be able to understand each other’s limits and boundaries. Is this normal for him? Because it doesn’t seem normal for you. That might mean you have to have a conversation about what’s okay and not okay, without pointing fingers and saying “You” repeatedly.