Here are some examples of "Advice" questions and answers. Recently answered questions will be located under the "Advice Q&A" tab.
Salam Please read this. I feel rather sad. This month ive turned 24. Got my degree in Childhood studies last year despite also struggle with reading and writing ive never been diagnosed with learning disabilities but I know I have some thing wrong. How do i build my confidence? I dont know what my strengths are i get all nervous when someone question me a simple question.
Wa Alaykum Assalam,
Firstly, having a learning disability is not something to be ashamed of. Everyone has their challenges in life. I used to think, “Wow, how are they so blessed to have everything going so well for them?” These days I think, “I wonder what they do to keep that smile on their face, amidst any adversity they might be faced with. May God give them constant strength.”
I would highly suggest getting tested. It will give you peace of mind. A lot of the times, your challenge is not in your hands but getting the right help will allow you to do something about it. You can be more in control of yourself! That, by itself, is enough to give you the confidence you deserve.
You don’t have to know what your strengths are immediately. You are on a mission of self-discovery, and these understandings take time. Before you begin to work on your confidence and strengths, learn how to accept yourself. Look at all the good that is within you, rather than magnifying the bad. The good always outweighs the bad. The fact that you have a degree in Childhood studies is amazing, btw. That takes a lot of patience and dedication, which are two of your good qualities.
Accept yourself, it will lead to you feeling good about the person that you are. Do not stress about your strengths, those come with time. I wrote this article recently, and I think it might help you: http://productivemuslim.com/tips-overcome-dilemma/
Dear Chereen Im so upset, sometimes I think of running away from my family but I know I’ll never do it they all hate me,how cant they I’m so dumb today my mum screamed at me saying your 17 you don’t know how to fix your bed clean the bathroom or vacuum learn already i feel like she always oppresses me and puts me down in stead of crying and feeling sorry for myself like I always do n feeling depressed I feel like doing something like changing but I don’t know how please help!
My suggestion would be to prove your mom wrong. She says you cannot do these tasks, show her that you are able. Try to do them before she is able to see you accomplishing them. Stay ten steps ahead, so that it is impossible for her to say anything negative to you. I am sure you are a great person! Do not be too hard on yourself. Take it as a challenge that you are going to win.
Assalaamu ‘alaikum. I was wondering how I can stop making other people’s problems my own. I know that you are a therapist, alhamdulillah, and so you must deal with people with many issues in your day to day work. How do you manage to separate their issues from your own and how do you manage to forget about them when you’re going about your daily life? Some practical advice would be greatly appreciated. Jazakallah khairan. May Allah continually bless you and your fam.
Wa Alaykum Assalam wa Rahmatullah!
Empathy is a good thing, but even it has its limits. As a therapist, self-care is very vital. Technically, it is how you detox. Do not take other people’s problems home with you. It helps to take a relaxing shower, possibly take yourself out to eat, or enjoy your favorite beverage. Of course, praying really helps. Rather than worrying, make duaa for them. Pray that their problems will lessen, because stressing out will never resolve anything. The more duaa you make for them, the better you will feel.
I’m in a friendship that emotionally drains me. As beautiful as the friend is, she has a negative attitude (she’s had a hard past) & purposely ignores contact for a long period of time leaving me worried. I can’t carry on like this. What should I do?
You seem to care a lot about this friend. If you abandon the friendship, you might end up full of resentment. Have you tried to let your friend know how you feel? She might be very self-conscious or under a lot of emotional pressure. It might help to let her know how you feel. You might also want to directly offer her support, so that she knows you have her best interest in mind.
If you have done this and it still has not worked, then it might be best to limit the friendship and let her come to you when she is ready. You always want to know that you tried your best, so that you do not regret later on. If she does not return, then realize that some souls were not meant to connect in the long run. You could always pray for her, because there is no better way to ensure that she is doing well than by asking God to take care of her.
Best of luck!
Salaam, I hope all is well. I am In need of advice. I will keep it simple. I am engaged to a girl and it seems well so far. Is it normal to think about my pervious person I liked before? That girl got married last year. This worry’s me.
Wa Alaykum Assalam,
Congratulations! May Allah Swt bless your engagement and allow for you to complete one another in this life and the next.
I have a few questions for you to ask yourself. Did your past relationship end on a sour note? Did you get your closure? Were you left hanging?
If you are constantly thinking about her, ask yourself why? If you have not had your closure and you are still attached to the past girl, then it is time that you move forward with your life. Your future fiance deserves to have your full attention.
If you are only thinking about her occasionally without any attachment, then that is normal. It takes time to get a person fully out of your system. You might be completely over her, but you have certain things that you associated her with that allow you to think of her from time to time. If that’s the case, then it is okay. This could be a friend or someone you liked, it’s the same thing. You’re getting through it, not over it.
Best of luck!