Can Love Conquer All?

Written by: Nadrah Mustafa

There have been instances in my life when I looked back at past events that have made me who I am as a person.

There were relationships that I had invested so much in, but now I just can’t help but ask if they were worth it. These thoughts keep rewinding themselves in my head, pacing slowly back and forth as if I have not already given them much attention.

You know what kind of relationship I am talking about: The kind when you knew deep in your heart that things were simply not supposed to feel the way they did. You thought that maybe it was just you. And you gave in, giving others the benefit of the doubt again.

So the whole cycle continued, as it had for the past days, weeks, months, and sometimes years. It was always just you trying hard to convince yourself that what you were feeling was not true, that your expectations were too high, that you had not been investing enough.

And this caused you to drown inside yourself.

Maybe you even began to lose your dear self, bit by bit.

It can be hard to recognise a toxic relationship from the inside. But the people around you might notice how damaging a certain relationship can be for your well-being.

Your confidence lowered by the day; your perceptions and judgement clouded until you couldn’t even recognise yourself in the mirror.

You forgot what your dreams were, who you really were, and who you could actually be, if nourished with tender, loving care.

And that’s the very thing about relationships which we sometimes overlook: They are meant to be healthy and help you grow, not deconstruct you.

Oftentimes, we give too much benefit of the doubt and believe strongly that love will conquer all.

But you know what they say: Love is blind.

Once I chanced to ask Professor Malik Badri (a prominent Islamic psychologist) a question in a lecture he was giving:

“Being patient does not mean being passive. But I find that there’s a fine line between the two, and it’s really tough to decipher them. Could you please help to elaborate?”

His answer was simple:

“The answer to your question is like the difference between an extrovert and an introvert. One prefers to be out socialising at a party, and the other doesn’t mind being at a party but would rather spend some alone time reading a book or something.”

Then it struck me.

We fail to remind ourselves that there’s a fine line between being patient–holding on to sincere intentions–and getting your heart all trampled on.

We have control in our relationships, and it is just a matter of whether you want to take control or let it float away aimlessly again.

We are able to choose the people we want to surround ourselves with.

The ones who are worthy enough to be your true companions. The ones who don’t need constant reminders and acknowledgements about the validity of your friendship. The ones who you have not seen for ages due to other life commitments and demands, but can instantly continue your last conversation, regardless of how long ago it was.

Because they respect your space and you.

I am reminded of a dear friend who told me once what he heard in a Jumuah khutbah (Friday lecture):

“How to differentiate between a bad and a good person is to see if they are genuinely happy for your blessings.”

That idea helped me a lot.

True companions are the ones who love you for the sake of God, who will always be happy for whatever God has planned for you because they know it’s no use being envious of your achievements. They know God willed them just for you.

The ones who remind you to smile and look up, regardless of how deep of a rut you have been in, just because you have so much to be thankful for.

The ones who not only take bits of your heart, but give pieces of their own in return.

It’s true that love conquers all, but only for the right people.

Love & Light,
Nadrah.