Advice: Crying to heal
Dear Chereen,
How are you doing? My uncle passed away recently. I haven’t cried once since it’s looked down upon in my family. Now, I’ve noticed that since I don’t cry I’ve been a mess. I feel like I’m always suffocating. The other day I had a panic attack and couldn’t breathe. I’m having a hard time recovering because I really did love my uncle. Please assist me.
Sincerely,
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
God gave you tears to cleanse your heart, and although you might not believe it, this is the truth.
During my counseling graduate school days, I recall sitting in a group with my classmates as we discussed how our internship went during the week. I remember the first week I had a client, so I mentioned to the group that I felt bad, because the open-ended questions I asked had caused them to cry. Right after I said that, my Professor told me to feel great. I looked at him confused, because I had just gotten done explaining that I made someone cry. My Professor stopped me and said, “You didn’t make anyone cry. You helped them open up their heart, so that they can express their emotions through tears. As therapists, it’s good when a client cries because that means you are getting somewhere with them.”
Crying is great for you, because it relieves you of the frustration that resides within your heart. Sometimes you cannot express how you feel with words, and you feel like nobody truly understands you, so you end up feeling suffocated. When you do not cry, those feelings build up and become worse.
It will take time to change the fact that it is looked down upon your family. However, it should not be looked down upon by you. There is no need to cry in front of everyone, especially if they will not understand or accept your tears. It is important for you to take time to yourself and cry it out. I know that when someone is truly worth it, then they are worth your tears. Your heart needs it. All those tears are being held up in your heart and they need to be released. I promise you will feel so much better once you let it out.
I also want you to realize that healing takes time. My dad passed away two years ago, and here I am still healing. You will find that healing is beautiful once you are accepting of your situation. You cannot change your fate, but you can accept the pain and let it make you stronger. There will be shock in the beginning, but it will become less over time. It helps to know that the fact that you are grieving your uncle so deeply means you truly valued him. He must have been wonderful. Know that he will never leave your heart.
Take it easy on yourself. Let yourself heal slowly. Cry often, because letting out tears is soothing. This way, your healing will have permanent results.
Stay blessed!
Sincerely,
Chereen
