Q & A: Jealous of a Friend

Q: Dear Chereen,

I hate it when I’m with my friend and someone compliments her only. It makes me feel bad and jealous even…I mean I get compliments, but she gets more, and it can be very draining. She’s a nice friend, so yes, I feel bad that I’m thinking like this. ??

What do I do to stop feeling this way?

A: Dear Friend,

It seems like you are more focused on the amount of compliments she receives than you are on your actual friendship. If she is a good friend, you have got to stop feeling this way towards her. Good friends are hard to come across. She should be cherished. Why the need to compete? I’m sure you have your own qualities and traits that are beautiful; there’s no need to envy what God has given someone else.

Look, I have beautiful friends (inside and out) and I let them know. I didn’t befriend them so that I could hate myself. I didn’t befriend them so I could stab myself with a fork each time they received a compliment and I didn’t. However, I did befriend them because they are kind and genuine, alhamdulilah. I befriended them so I could compliment them, because it’s a friendship, not a beauty pageant.

If you don’t feel like you can be a genuine friend to her, then it’s better that you remain acquaintances. Harboring these emotions towards someone who you know is nice is not a very kind thing to do. They don’t deserve that, which I think you already know. Try complimenting other people more.

Count how many times you have complimented friends and strangers. Turn the habit around and make it something positive. Part of being a woman is having the ability to empower one another and create goodness that changes lives. You have this trait within you; it’s time you let it come out.