Q+A: Healing

Written by: Chereen

Dear Chereen,

Why is it that, moving on is difficult even when you know you’ve dodged a bullet? How will I be able to let go of the memories of a toxic past relationship? What about being able to move on from the attachment built to a harmful person? Was it more than love?

Why do I still lurk their social media? Why am I still interested in what they’re doing?

Is it because I still mourn all my investment and have nothing in return?

Sincerely,

K.

Dear Friend,

Two thoughts come to mind after reading your question. The first one is that you have yet to give yourself closure. The second is that healing takes time, once you accept what has happened and allow yourself to begin to heal.

Although it was toxic and less than positive, it seems that you were deeply invested in the relationship and gave it your all. It might also be that you had high hopes they would change for the better because you genuinely cared about them. You might have put a lot of effort and taken a lot of negativity, only to end up short of change. This is a form of grief because it’s a loss, and loss takes time to overcome. I do wonder that if in the process of this all, you lost yourself in someone else while trying to help them find the better version of themselves. It might be that they have become your comfort because they are what you grew to know.

This is preventing you from obtaining your closure. It would help you to disconnect yourself from them fully by breaking the habit of wanting to know what they’re doing or how their life is going. This is hurting you because it’s causing you to remain in the past. In order to start the healing process, you have to step outside of what you grew to know as comfort. It might be scary, but the best things have yet to come.

It would also help to speak to a therapist regularly, so that you can overcome the grief of an ended relationship and begin to heal. It can get better, and hopefully with time it will.

Sincerely,

Chereen