Q+A: Old friend on my mind

Dear Chereen,

I was on your website and realised you answer people’s problems. So i thought i’ll ask since there’s something thats been playing in my head for years now i guess.

Two years ago I fell out with my friend because we’re both muslims and we had said that we will never do anything haram or something that will make our parents upset. But she went into a relationship with a guy from school and i found out when this other friend told me that they were in a room alone and told me to go see. So I walked in on them hugging each other. then things got complicated and she chose him cause she said she loved him. so we fell out.

She became close to another group of girls who supported her decision and her relationship because they were doing the same thing. Fast forward to now, she goes to the same university as me. I see her often but i dont know if she does.

My problem is that for the past year and half i’ve been seeing her in my dream every other day and they were crazy dreams like she would betray me in some or we’ll have a physical fight in others. it’s been crazy and i cant speak to my other friends about this.

Last time i saw her in ny dream we were speaking over the phone and she said she missed me. I honestly dont know what to do. Sometimes I feel like approaching her but i wouldn’t know what to say. Also I feel like she’ll ignore me or be fake or tell her friends and they’ll make fun of me. I know it all feels so crazy and I am probably missing her subconsciously or something because shes in my dreams all the time. I don’t know what to do please advise me.

Sincerely,

J

Dear Friend,

To put it simply, it’s clear that you are grieving a friendship that has ended but you have yet to gain your closure.

Part of you wants to revive that friendship because you miss that friend, but another part of you is confused and doesn’t know what to do next. Seeing her around university seems to hurt you, because it is clear that you do have a soft spot for this old friend. I am guessing that when you were friends you really enjoyed each other’s company.

This is a choice you will have to make. You can get in touch with her, let go of the past, and see what the future holds in terms of your friendship. Or you can no longer give it so much thought (hence the constant dreams) and make a conscious effort to get through grieving this friendship. Either way, you have to move forward with or without her.

The end of anything is difficult, and this is especially so when it comes to relationships. It’s evident that trust was broken from her and that must have caused you pain. However, I can also tell that you have a big heart and you can’t help but miss the people that once were a huge part of it.

Do remember that any friendship you get into is meant to be positive and instill happiness in your life. Will she contribute to your positive energy? Is there a chance to forgive and move forward as friends? Is it time to confront yourself and move forward without her? These are questions to think about and reflect upon.

In the end, it’s important for you to do what is best for your growth, happiness, and faith.

Sincerely,

Chereen