Q+A: The one
Written by: Chereen
Dear Chereen,
Assalamu 3alaikum may Allah bless you with your career and grant you Jannah for all the valuable advice you give.
I am currently 24 and I’m Palestinian. I have been talking to a Syrian male who is my age for almost 3 years now, and we have been trying to make it halal and get engaged. My parents don’t want anyone other than a Palestinian and are completely against meeting this guy. They have been trying to get me married for several years now and I would talk to the guys but would not feel they are the one.
Currently they have pressured me to talk to a guy who is 34 who recently came from overseas and has studied medicine and has deen and akhlaq. He is a nice guy, but I am not attracted to him; physically nor mentally. I only talked to him to please my parents. Sadly, our culture thinks of a girl turning 24 as if she won’t get married if she lets this guy go.
I am in a dilemma whether to leave everything to Allah and just accept the Palestinian to please my parents or take the chance of giving up more in the future with any other potential; since my parents are not agreeing to the person I want.
This situation has caused me emotional and mental stress. I understand I took this the wrong way because if I had no one in my heart in haram, I would not be in this situation. There’s a lot of detail that goes in between, but to cut it short I do feel as if the Syrian is the one, but my parents feel as if I am just having a crush and don’t take me seriously. Please advise me as your sister.
Barakullahi feeki, wa salamu 3alaikum wa ra7matullahi wa baraktuh.
Dear Friend,
Wa Alaykum Assalam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakato.
Firstly, you must feel connected to someone in order to marry them. Not being attracted to someone both physically or mentally is a sign that they’re not right for you. There must be both types of attraction for a connection to be made, and in order for a relationship to be formed. With that being said, the one your parents are interested in does not seem like a good fit for you. He might be a good guy, but it’s okay that he is not right for you.
It doesn’t have to be black or white. 24 is young, my dear. You don’t have to throw away your happiness to marry someone that is appealing to your parents on the outside. YOU are going to live with him, not them. Would they rather you marry him and get divorced later? Most likely not.
I see that you did fulfill your obligation of speaking with him and seeing if you are compatible, and there is just no spark. Please remember that if you chose to marry him, you would be bonded to him. Marriage is not a quick decision, and you don’t get married to someone to please others. Marriage is about you being happy and at peace. This person is to be your soulmate, and I just don’t get the vibe that this is the case with the one your parents selected.
As for who you like, I would recommend praying on it. Do istikhara, make extra duaa, pray tahajjud, do salatul duha. Let God give you an answer. Leave it in His hands and try doing things right.
It might help to not talk while you make your decision, so that it isn’t touted. The whole idea that he isn’t Palestinian has nothing to do with religion and is purely cultural, which is not correct. I want you to know that if he is meant to be yours, then he will end up as your husband. Rather than thinking about what your heart desires right now, think about what God wants for your heart.
You’re young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. I want you to be present and leave it to God. Don’t fear the outcome, inshaAllah it’ll be what is best for you. ❤️
Sincerely,
Chereen.