Q+A: Torn between two

Written by: Chereen

Q: Dear Chereen,

I started wearing the hijab in 2016 after struggling with myself for years. The problem is my husband doesn’t see why I need to wear the hijab. He strongly disagrees with it and says I’m changing myself.

I gave up the hijab after only a year of wearing it and now have started putting it back on. We’re having the same arguments again. We can’t be out with each other.

How can I make him understand, what do I do? I’m so stressed out all the time.

Need some advise sister x

A: Dear friend,

I can understand that you are under a lot of stress trying to please your Lord, and also trying to have a good relationship with your spouse.

The solution isn’t to take off your hijab because that is a requirement you are doing your best to fulfill. There are a few things you can do to improve your situation.

1. Be patient with him while he understands the necessity of you wearing the hijab. Rather than getting angry with his responses, talk him through it. Allow for his emotions to be explored so that you can come up with a constructive conversation. When he gets mad, say something like “I understand you’re upset because you care about me and want me to be happy and safe. I genuinely appreciate it. What can I do to return the love?” If he gets angry, give him some space and walk away until he has calmed down. Tell him you will talk to him once he has relaxed.

2. Make friends with like minded couples. Do you have friends who wear the hijab? Introduce him to their husbands and get together to chat. Have get togethers over dinner, and he will take the time to observe their relationships. He will notice how okay it is for their wives to wear the hijab, and this might influence him to be more understanding.

3. Try to attend Islamic talks together. If any speakers are in town, call it a date night and go. If there are any conventions, attend them together. This will help him feel more comfortable when he’s in an atmosphere that nurtures the concept.

4. Love him a little harder. A lot can be miscommunication; when there are different opinions clashes can happen. In your case, wearing hijab is a fact and his perspective is an opinion. The thing is, he does love you. So when he gets upset, give him love and see how he reacts; rather than getting angry with him. Surprise him with a change in response.

5. No need to say it, but let your actions while wearing the hijab show him how it has changed you for the better. This will take patience, but it is well worth it.

Remember, Abu Dardaa once said “The best wealth is gratitude and a righteous spouse.” Praying for you. ??