The feeling of missing

Written by: Chereen

I miss having a dad.

It’s not something I dwell upon or fall into depression over. I have rida. I promise I am accepting of God’s plan.

Rarely, do I allow myself to step into “What if?” I’m fully aware that it’ll reap disappointment. And when I do enter that zone, I brush past the thought gently because it’s too beautiful to have to embrace and then let go.

I do wonder if I would be the same person I am now. My dad’s death helped me grow. It taught me so much about the essence of time. From it, I became hyper aware. Because of it, I can easily let go of people that do no good for my heart. Trust me when I tell you that I am in control of my emotions, and I do not allow anyone to have power over them. I learned self-discipline from losing my dad, because I refused to allow myself to spiral out of control.

But this emptiness, it exists in my heart. When an old song plays, or something reminds me of the 90s, my heart begins to feel weak and nostalgia comes with its symptoms. I do pride myself on being able to be my own therapist and overcome the grief of such a heavy loss.

Maybe there’s nothing I can do but write about it, in hopes that someone else in the world is also going through these emotions. And maybe it’s that I am content, I’ve moved forward, but missing someone that held such an important role in my life is inevitable. I will forever miss my dad and miss having a dad, and that’s okay.

I have learned that you will always miss the ones you love, even if you’re seated right next to them.