The Self-Confidence Series: part 5–Success in Self-Reliance
Written by: Marissa
Where can we find uttermost bliss? The truest form of bliss is found confined deep within the walls of the heart. The spirit knows the source of true happiness. We are born with it freely given to us on a daily basis. Happiness takes shape in many different forms. Things around our world are key components in adding to our happiness. This varies from person to person and is heavily based on our unique interests. Whether it’s the food we eat, our closest friends, or our most prized possessions, these are all additions to our own bliss. However, they are never a replacement for true happiness.
The false perception of happiness lies within finding joy outside of ourselves. We look to others for validation, comfort and love. How many times have your emotions gotten toyed with by someone else? How many times has this caused your happiness to recede? It is commonplace to let others control our happiness. Those who are not happy with themselves (internally and externally) will always be searching for a temporary replacement. We are all vulnerable at one point in our life. When you are hurt by someone else, you feel the emotion of “non-love.” In this moment, you adapt the persona of being “unlovable.” Taking on the persona of being “unlovable” or “unworthy” is toxic. If you are currently in this position, do not be your own worst critic. I always say the greatest lessons come in the absence of happiness. To start looking for happiness, first begin to develop self-reliance.
Self-reliance is the benefit of being able to depend on yourself. Dependence includes being comfortable in your own skin and confident in your life choices. As a mindfulness practitioner, I always ask my students, “What decisions can you make, in the now, to benefit yourself in the future? How can you love yourself, in the now, to love yourself effortlessly in the future?” I notice people are always in a rush to fix their problems, hence looking for bliss/validation from others. It is a “quick fix” solution to a long-term problem. Unfortunately, it will never develop into your version of true happiness. True strength lies in patience and being able to develop self-reliance over time.
My grandmother used to always tell me not to make homes out of people, since most of them will leave. Rather, use your energy to make a permanent home in your heart. People always leave, but your heart is tied to you for a lifetime.
Here is a meditation I use for self-reliance development:
Start with sitting with yourself and meditating on your happiness. Examine the true sources of your happiness. Ask yourself if it’s coming from within or influenced by those around you. If it’s coming from those around you, ask yourself what’s lacking from within. Think about the steps you can take (in the moment) to try to shift your thinking. Once you develop your own rhythm for “checking in” with yourself, then it will become a healthy process.
Self-reliance takes time and a vast amount of personal growth. The best part? Out of growth begins the budding of self-confidence. Rely on yourself, your heart, and your own version of happiness. Confidence will follow soon after in its footsteps.