We repeat what we do not repair

Written by: Seada

Self-harm, drugs, gambling, abuse and the likes. These predominate issues are happening in our communities. Whether we silence the problems to the walls of our home or we consciously extend our issues to a social media platform, problems nonetheless occur in every home.

Many people assume that self-harming behaviors are the result of environment influences. While I do not entirely disagree to this assumption, I further ask myself what or who influenced this person to drift towards something unpleasant yet something always available?

If we examine the behavior of a child acting out at school and demanding attention, we understand the child’s behavior is communication for “I need to be loved and nurtured”. When a person suffering with an addiction reaches towards drugs they communicate “I don’t know how to manage my emotional pain” and drugs never reject a person from immediate comfort. Comparing a student to the other permits the development of a negative belief to spring: “I am not enough”, and endlessly fights for validation from anyone the student values.

My point is, external issues are a secondary issue not a primary issue. We see this in practice way too often. The answers are before us. It’s not a matter of who is to blame, rather it is a matter of pausing to recognize the power all of us, to some extent or another, we can influence a loved one to drift. Rebellion, self-harm, and addictions are not limited to the external environment, issues do start at home.

We, as a whole community of caring and loving adults, have so much power to influence our children, our youth, and our spouses (or partners) in a healthy way. And often, what becomes a barrier to success is our own unattended historical emotional wounds. In simpler terms, we repeat what has not been repaired.

Something to deeply reflect about.

With love,

Seada